My fears were realised this morning.

I got up this morning to find the house empty. Walked over to the kitchen counter to find three slips in red staring back at me. I was shattered.

Here were three slips notifying my of my driving offences. A total of 5 demerit points, and a total of $361 in fine.

Sigh... I do not know how to articulate my feelings through words. I called up a couple of my friends and totally lost it on the phone.

A very close friend of mine is having her birthday tonight, and my good mood is utterly annihilated. I do not understand why i always seem to loose money. It is like i can never attain that bank balance i am aiming for. Something suddenly appears and shits all over my hard work.

I have so many freaking expenses... Not to mention a friend who is here on holiday who just arrived today.

Even my mum was sympathetic to me the message she wrote next to my lunch on her way out.

Then i received a random email from Jimmy. It made me feel better.

I think i will not venture out of my house for a while. Stepping out of the door means the outflow of money.

I wish someone is here with me now.

Feeling down.

Today...

Today i had some urgent thing in the city. So i was driving hastily along the freeway. Cutting into lanes and speeding and tailgating so the slow pokes would just fuck off into another lane.

I do not understand why i am such a different person behind the wheel. I become nasty, cruel and vindictive.

So i was cutting into lanes when i cut into an unmarked police car's. My music was blaring away and i began tailgating a Hyundai in front of me. All this while i was oblivious to the unmarked police car with the lights on pursuing after me. So the police drove to my side and made some hand gestures. Still oblivious, i sneered at him from behind my aviators and stuck up my middle finger nice and clear for him to relish.

Then i saw the blue and red lights.

My heart fell.

I pulled over.

I was given three demerit points.

And i am now in wait of the penalty in my mail.

Which could be up to $300.

I am now waiting for my friend to pick me up to go shopping.

I frequently chat to my dear cousin in London who has just completed her fashion degree, regarding tailoring clothes, 'in' colours, hair styles and what not.
Lately she has been talking about this new trend called the "onii-kei". Until recently, trendy young men with brown dyed hair and tanned skin were a prominent fixture on the streets of Shibuya. They were known as gyaru-o ("gal men") - meaning male versions of the girls with a similar look who dominated Shibuya street fashion a few years ago. But now many of these men have graduated from the gyaru-o look to a new style that has been dubbed onii-kei (literally "elder brother style"). Whereas gyaru-o tend to dress down in surfer attire or casual sports clothing, onii-kei men prefer a slick look characterized by white tailored jackets, low-necked tank tops, imported jeans, and pointed leather shoes.

Onii-kei Essentials:
Onii-kei combines the styles known in Japanese as Ame-kaji ("American casual") and Ita-kaji ("Italian casual") with rocker touches to create a glamorous, sexy look. Onii-kei men are designer label fanatics who complete their outfits with belts, waist pouches, watches, sunglasses, and other accessories from world-famous brands. Also essential to the onii-kei look is the teased shag haircut known as "wolf hair," fastidiously groomed and complemented by scented products.

Charlotte's

Enmity

In the 1996 movie 'A Time To Kill' starring Matthew McConaughey and Sandra Bullock, we recall the key elements that contributed to the contention and premise of the movie. Racism, the KKK, the law, vengeance and (in)justice. I suppose the image of the movie that i have recalled eidetically was the 10 year old black girl who was walking along the dusty path as a truck of bogan white men came up from behind, snatched her, raped her continuously only to slay her and left for trash. The ensuing events hence were the trials that succeeded the killing of the guilty by the father of the girl.

I caught up with an old friend of mine and as the usual protocol goes, we asked each other about what we were up to lately and of course i enquired about my old work place. It was this French Restaurant that i worked at as a waiter many years ago.

According to Brandon, Praveena who was this Indian waitress was serving the head chef his dinner. The head chef known as Nick was seated with the restaurant manager and a friend by the lounge.
So here she came and after putting down the food, Nick yelled at her: "Where the hell is my salt and peppar?"
Keeping quiet she turned and rolled her eyes, only to be attacked viciously.
"Don't you dare roll your eyes at me again or i'll fuck you until you become white!"

I do not know, but i remembered blood rushing to my head.

Aaron Spelling, the person i
was named after passed away
at 83.

Ready, Steady, Cook!

南拳媽媽

Made a forced trip to the gym to revitalise my month old dilapidated body. The past month gave me no allowance to exercise, coupled with the artic cold weather my body has shrunken... I reckond. So yeah, i pushed myself to my previous threshold. Too proud to twitch the notch any lower. God i was rusty.

Releasing the bar with a crash, i walked out feeling almost on the brink of fainting. My eardrums was echoing, i felt dizzy and i felt like throwing up. Made my way into the car, plomped down on the seat and sat there gasping for breath for ten minutes. Finally i revved the engine and tried to get into reverse gear. My hands were so weak and fatigued that i had to use both hands to pull it down, i started getting feverish and was hot all over. I also started making vomiting noises although nothing came out and practically made vomiting noises all the way home in the car. Gosh! I was vehemently steering my wheel all the way back, panged with intolerable pressure in my head.

Stupid exams! Made me like this! Grrrrrr.

I like Nan Quan Mama. It is this really hot Taiwanese band with a russian-sino lead singer chick.
Here is a video for your perusal.
Ta.

There is something really pressing i need to write about... But now is not the correct time. I will reserve this for another day :)

Psychedelic Agony

Lights, smoke, drugs, music.

Shuffling of feet, conversations droned out, gazing around.
Friends distant. Crowd alien. Smoke malodorous.

Pensive, contemplative, convicted and awoken.

WHAT AM I DOING IN THIS PLACE!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!
GOD TAKE ME AWAY FROM HERE!

Lights, smoke, drugs, music...

Unlike any other day at work, today differentiated itself through our usually routined greetings and farewells.

A colleague of mine recently sent in his resignation to transfer to Queensland, and today would be the last day we would work together.

Wrapping up my task before signing off, i looked for Ram to say goodbye.

"Hey man i'm finished for today, heading off now... So i'll see you sometime soon?"

(Seriously, i knew that i was never going to cross paths again with Ram. I said it to create an illusion that this was yet another routine farewell every other working day.)

"Sure mate."

We shook hands firmly and he looked at me intently for a while. Somehow between that exchance of glances, we both realised... this was it. Through his eyes i could tell that he was making the last few seconds we had to remember this exchange, before i walked out through the door.

I smiled my biggest smile and left.

OMG I ALMOST DIED! COULD NOT BREATH!!! YOU MUST WATCH THIS!!!!!!!!

The death of a student.

A milestone.

I finished my last examination for the rest of my life. I have finally completed university for good.

I made a detour to Chadstone Mall to reward myself after the exams. I had a $54 credit with Myers and i was looking around to see what i could get. So anything i buy i would receive a discount of $54. I was thinking of this $150 cardigan. I hate shopping at departmental stores. The things you get there are so not unique and not a "stand out". Everyone would have the same shit. I ended up not buying anything at all. I will use it to get an Aesop eye serum when i get the time.

Strangely, i picked up my Viola which i have not touched since high school orchestra. The case was all dusty but the wood of my Viola was so fragrant! It has aged gracefully. Well i played a few pieces that i used to perform in my school orchestra. Brought back a ton load of memories.

I just hit me... I am no more a student. An era of my life has ended... 16 years to be precise. I am in transition, and it is not a good mode to be in.

I like this video.

After many trials and error, i have finally mastered my coffee making skills. I have mastered cafe latte art! Fern leaves, love hearts and swirls.

My goody goody hair : )

A glance into the future.

What time is it? He rubbed his eyes and attempted to accomodate the surroundings. Saturday noon in the person's bedroom. Looked to the right and saw the person seated at the table. Intent on a pile of books. It has been a rocky one. But this morning it felt like day one.
He got up slowly and made his way to the study table peering over the person's shoulder to see what the person was up to... exam preparations.

His attention was drawn to the intrusive machinery down on the street from the apartment. From his perch on the tenth floor he could see the shape forming of the proposed park to revitalise the area north of the city.

He proceeded to talk to the person. He poured out his thoughts. He spoke about his concerns, about where they were going, what the future was, the expiry and where they would be exactly one year from now. Silence.

He said that he hoped everything would be going strong one year from this point. Saddened, he then brought up the topic of the person's leaving. How the person will be gone for good at the end of year. He said one year from now, after that park has finished construction he would visit the park and gaze back to the apartment window where they were once having this conversation. By that time, there would not be a trace left of the person. That bedroom window will be vacated, tenured by a new tenant.

The park has been completed. It is 10pm and he is making his way back to the car after a long day at work. He made a detour over the dew soaked grass of winter towards the centre of the park. Looking up, he saw that window. It finally came to pass. One year, and everything he predicted was what it was. Everything has changed since that saturday afternoon. That person... the person has long been gone. The park is ready and he?

He will always be around. The memory of that saturday afternoon etched into his memory forever.