Last day of Winter in my backyard.

Okay, to set the grounds of this conversation that took place on MSN, this particular Singaporean course mate has never initiated contact with me... except when he needed something.

Nerd Sick (Ben Hoh) says:
eh aaron u there?

gamble™ says:
ya?

gamble™ says:
what you need

(I already knew something was not right. You realise i went straight to the point. Its like "Alright alright i know whats up your sleeves just let it out." No need to beat around the bush.)

Nerd Sick says:
hahah i need ur old BUS 1100 assignment... i deleted mine

(hahah? he is laughing? As if he does not already feel bad that people know he is insincere. Rather he thinks it is funny.)

gamble™ says:
i knew it!

gamble™ says:
don't have it sorry

gamble™ says:
all gone long time ago

Nerd Sick says:
hhaah same also..i delete all those shit i finished

Nerd Sick says: alright nvm..ttyl!

(and that's it? "nevermind.. talk to you later?" later meaning: When i need something else from you i'll let you know. Talk about kiasu)

In this day and age, walking past a smoker be them female or male is a non issue. Something that does not really register even in your subconsciousness.

But a sight that i will gawk at continuously is an old woman puffing away on a ciggy with their old, withered and wrinkly lips.

*shudder*

Mark it somewhere.

- Hilary Clinton will become president of the US. -

Trippin’

I want to congratulate myself for finally finding the enlightenment of knowing what pride in a friendship is, because before this I was dismal when references were made about it. I was clueless in what it meant.

Thank you to you for those subtleties that just concedes your inner world whose concept of friendship is alien as can be. You win? And then? What do you achieve after that? What do you achieve by making unconstructive critical conjectures of your friends? So some juvenile character passes you by with an aerated head as big as their ego with a litany of ideas on how others should conduct themselves as uncompromising and autocratic they may be. And so it ranges from their conduct, their thoughts, their spending, and every other aspect that is of absolute zilch relevance to the subject in discussion. So the juvenile is compelled to comment on everything. Even things whose discretion is of others’ own.

Pride? What the fuck are you on about? Since when was pride of relevance in a healthy friendship? I have NEVER had friendship like this. When it becomes so complicated, when each word is meant to undermine each other, when it feels like being scrutinized and when understanding your friend becomes a taxing task. Disgusting.

Characters like these perceive themselves as the holy grail of logic and practicality when in essence; people just give them the leeway. Why burst their bubble? Leave them be. I say inflate that bubble. So that dey be trippin’ on em’ face in the future.

I can't believe... that i ever had hair that long. Oh my god.
Kinda like it actually... Thinking if i should grow my hair again.

And so I turned round for a hug, just after the elevator opened. Hesitation… That face, it just revealed so much. The glimpse of sadness that broke from the countenance. As if this was not the first time, as if this was just another countless encounters that never endured. I could literally see the thoughts that crossed the mind at that moment. I took a step backwards into the elevator. Never dropping my gaze as I watched the hand disappear behind the closing doors.

One night stand or not, it was for me to decide.

Projected Shanghai Skyline 2010

Our minds... When exposed to a new idea, will never go back to its previous dimensions.

The Beach Club

I get asked why i seem promote for so many different clubs. When i first started out in 2003 my motives were obvious. My first year in university and i admit it was the perfect channel to amplify my social network exponentially.

But now, after going through all that youthful excitement of the initial exposure i promote wearily because:
- I am continually pestered by someone that goes way back.
- Friday nights of idleness solved by going to the club i promote.
- Do not need to buy drinks. Promoters given drink cards for the night.
- Free entry, for those periods when $15 could go a long long way.
- Decorative purposes for my Resume under "Extra-curricular Activities"

and

- I get to skip the line.

The response was a precursor to failure anyway...

Why did i even bother.

I lost 4kgs.

And still deciding if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Thing is, body mass is good. Not fat, but more solid and bigger.

So i now weigh 69kgs.

Lean is good. I like lean too.

Hmm...

August in Hong Kong last year and i stumbled into what i define as a true Fashion Magazine. Pictures and pictures only with advertisements and other useless lifestyle tips to the minimum. It is called Fashion News Men's. A Japanese fashion publication by the famous Japanese editor and stylist Tomoki Sukezane.

Literally, page 1 to the end are just photos. Photos of labels from the runway and fashion shoots by Sukezane himself. This is what a real magazine should be. One thing i can not tolerate is GQ and its ridiculous take on irrelevant and mostly overlooked topics of writing on food, nice cities to holiday in, POLITICS??? Debating politics in a supposedly fashion oriented magazine and then throwing in a few meagre pages of fashion shoots? Tsk.

It is hard to find quality men fashion magazines here. You can of course try Borders where they stock imported European ones or to small specialist magazine shops that has quite okay Taiwanese or Hong Kong publications. However the prices are pretty exorbitant, especially when you know they cost nothing in Asia.

So when a friend makes a trip to Hong Kong and beyond, i make it a point that they include at least an edition of Fashion News into their shopping basket.

Random sms from Malaysia:

Evan: YOU SUCK! Yawn... BORING

Reply: Mee Mee Meow Meow

Evan: Don't you have anything better to say?

Reply: Woof woof?

Evan: =.="

I loathe Korean Electronic goods with a passion! They are so freaking unreliable and untrustworthy.

I could say with 100% confidence that every Korean product i have owned breaks in less than a year.

I had a rather pricey Samsung DVD player that was purchased at roughly A$300 many years ago only to break in 12 months. I then bought some no brand CHINA DVD product that has lasted for almost 3 years.

Next i had a LG 3G mobile that had its ear speaker going kaputz in 8 months. I then had to tolerate using loudspeakers everytime i answered a call for the next 4 months until my contract allowed me to upgrade.

So i was foolishly seduced into buying yet another LG phone Model U880. And now in just 5 months, my brand new LG mobile phone is going mental. Firstly the battery that used to last for 2 days now manages to last JUST for one day. Then it keeps shutting down by itself making me miss important calls. Then one day when i opened the flip to answer a call i heard a sickening "crack". Looked at the hinges abruptly to see the plastic gaping wide. It broke!!! Now it doesnt close properly. ALL THESE IN 5 FREAKING MONTHS!!! UNBELIEVABLE!

Sure they are good to look at, but underneath those misleading aesthetics lies KONKED out electronics and cheapass materials.

DO NOT BUT KOREAN PRODUCTS ESPECIALLY LG! Should be LB instead. Life's BAD!

Okay that was lame :P

I forgot why people go to night clubs.

The motives of the masses has been blurred. Some see it as a means to pick or to be picked up, to see or be seen, to socialise, to catch up, to be with your friends, to dance.

I received complimentary tickets on Friday to go to a party on Sunday in FFour with a guest DJ from Chicago playing soul-house. His name was Roy Davies Jnr.

So i just got back from a night i never expected would give me a different dimension of where clubbing could take you. The music incredible. NOT RnB or Hip Hop, NOT dance or techno, neither was it electronica or poppish dance music. It was somehow different to the house i have heard by Melbourne DJs. It was pure, soulful, house. It was sexy.

The crowd was great. Blacks, latinos and whites. From my vantage, the way i see it, the people were there purely to relax and chill to the music. No pretense.

Sexy.

因為我無聊

Tasted like shit.

I think i want to take a place at the sidelines. Watch as the gladiators clash and do their thing. Let them do as what they are best at. Let them get entangled in their own predicament and problems initiated by themselves. That i may be able to learn from them vicariously to achieve insight.

Because i was in that arena before. My actions were convoluted with theirs. I was like them. Prancing from one to another, desperate and empty. It brought me down. I was a casualty.

If only i could just extricate myself from this whole thing and return to what it was.

Untainted, simple, clean, happier.

Waiting.

Check out "Call on Me".

Whoa! Hold it there!

What is this? This does not belong. It should not even have came close. But i am here. I am stuck.

I know this ground has been regurgitated a million times. But i am standing on this ground and this is what i have to say.

Yes... I was struck like a hot iron. That crucial second when you suddenly realised that you harboured some feelings for some unsuspecting person. Someone you never ever considered to be your interest.

That second has hit me, and there is no going back.

But i can not. Nothing of its nature is correct. I know i can not fight it. Feelings always get the better of me. I never win over my desires.

I am counting the cost of any decision i may pursue. I have to perpetrate yet another cliche, i will loose a friend. A good friend. Got the picture?

Help.

Can't get enough.

I am dreaming of spring,

or perhaps the end of summer.

When the air is warm and friendly.

When i feel energetic and healthy.

When i could go on a swing and enjoy the breeze.

Dress simply without the hassle of overlayers.

When there is live in my skin.

When i am red from the sun.

To walk on the hot sand,

feeling the moist and salt in your face during the setting of the sun.

To see beautiful people coming out from their winter slumber,

frolicking in bright coloured clothes glowing from their newly anointed tan.

When the day really starts when the sun sets.

I can't wait for the warmer season to come.

The first time i was exposed and made aware of such occurences was through the program A Current Affair. There were stories of Men or Women in countries such as China, Indo China and the Middle East who paid a sum of money to someone in Australia so as to marry them and claim them as their lovers in order to get their foot into this country. Once acquiring citizenship or some visa, they separate and then lead their separate lives.

It was not as easy as it seemed though. They had to have proof to validate their relationship. Immigration required documents such as love letters and so forth.

So when a close friend of mine asked yesterday if i could "marry" her if her PR application is rebuffed, i... laughed.

Try as hard to decipher the tone of her voice if she was for real, i could not conclude if she was for real.

She turned out to be serious. So yeah, i agreed to.

or should i?