I have bastardised everything... I have allowed doubt and cynicism to creep in.

The elements are blemished with the faint watermark of "UNSURE!"

Analyse This!

I am an Analyst by profession, perhaps that was made crystal clear already. What goes unnoticed is the fact that i have been analysing all my life, particularly people.

I believe after all these years of critical scrutinising of people, i have learned tolerance. A lot of it. In due course i aim to be 100% tolerant of everyone, albeit an exceedingly small minority of my demographic classification that shall always fall short of my patience. In essence, i strive to befriend everyone. Regardless of what they can deposit into my social savings account and the collected social standing each may impose on my very own. I am not simply stating that people should calibrate their tolerance levels after mine. In reality, tolerance and acceptance of others in my psyche is nothing more than modest.

Because what i do is to scan, analyse and sequentially tick off a mental checklist in my head. So and so fits this category, so and so will be a potential friend, so and so is not worth investing time with, etcetera. The past couple of years have seen an evolution in my thoughts. Once in a while i get to step back into my mental state i would be in the past three to five years and then draw a comparison with my approach to situations and scenarios i would have taken today.

I recall this friend of mine who wanted me to model some shots for his assignment. By nature, he was reserved and peculiar. Nevertheless i always allowed some small chat with him in a social environment. It was a Friday night and as a way to thank me he offered to shout me an expensive Japanese meal with constant, persistent inferences to his stagnant social life and the lack of friends to colour his mundane and lonely time here in Melbourne. I told him anytime he wanted to come out, just give me a call. I made discreet offers of a sincere friendship that was not built on expensive meals. Most of all, i made it a point to send infrequent smses querying how life was going with the usual greetings regalia. This has been a crucial advent in my social aptitude.

Now three to five years ago, i would never be in such a scenario. I was hardly accommodating to people too different from me. Firstly i would only talk to those that were talked to; i would invest my time into those who i deem "valuable". I would feel awkward to be seen spending my Friday nights with peculiar characters. Worst of all i would subconsciously overlook a person's presence. You see, making a conscious decision to disregard a person's presence in a room is not as atrocious as doing it without knowing. It simply reflects that it has become a part of you. No one is exempted from this, no one. Every one of us has inserted ourselves into a social bracket of a social ladder of our own design. Just ask the Indians.

The gist of the rubbish i have rambled about is this:

Never assume you are better than others. You WILL be surprised.

I could say with strict confidence that i have attained that status where i believe myself to be 100% complete. I never thought it would be so soon because the two major criterions to attain such a status for myself seemed bigger than me. I was deluded that both were as hard as hard can be. I thought it would be a process and struggle that would take a year or so. But in just one month, i have gotten it all.

I am complete.

Typical items for my weekend bag.

1. Toothbrush
2. Two pairs of fresh underwear
3. Sebastian Hair Clay
4. Hair Dryer
5. Socks
6. Spare change
7. Bar Work Clothes
8. Cash
9. Lip Balm
10. Condom(s)

Kohl Rimmed Eye(s)

So my designer cousin in the UK was updating me the antecedent of all things trendy and fashionable in London. This is whats in...

The kohl rimmed eye. I know this is nothing pioneering as it has already been saturated by movies such as The Pirates of the Caribbean. It is taking this concept and improvising further with the idea that we get something really interesting to experiment with.

And so she proceeded on defending her claim on this new trend arguing that a lot of people mistaken men with eye make-up as being a drag. In fact, this was grounds that has already been covered with the likes of Ewan McGregor, Iggy Pop, Lou Reed, Orlando Bloom, David Bowie or the New York Dolls. Drag? I suppose not!

Back to what i was trying to relay, the thing that is worth mention here was the resurgence of the Stanley Kubrick movie. It was this movie that acted as the catalyst for the evolution of the
"Clockwork Orange" style. It circulated around this psycho who goes around in a violent rage. Pretty much of a shock value show with rapes and murders. So what we see on the streets of London are these indie kids walking around with bowler hats and a single right kohl rimmed eye. Pretty cool i say!

Confession

You know, where i go so does my cell phone. Thats right! It sits under my pillow when i sleep, it follows me to my private library, when i take the car out to the shops two minutes walk outside my house, at work and it sits next to the pots and pans when im cooking... JUST EVERYWHERE!!!

That is why all you guys should start getting suspicious when i do not pick up your call or reply smses.

Thank goodness for dual screen clampshell phones with caller IDs! More often than not an unwarranted phone call is greeted with a gruff and a tossing of my phone across the table waiting for my voicemail to be activated.

There is no excuse really...

Oh my God i just tallied up to 49 pairs of jeans that i own! Craziness.

It rained heavily today.

And i was driving to my part time work. I ponder if i am overworking myself. 8 hours a day during the week in the office and 12 hours working at the bar on the weekends. I am young, i suppose i could get away with it.

20 metres from my work place and a boorish motocyclist zoomed and swerved between us cars rudely and rowdily. Cursing him in my head hoping he would collide in some castastrophic freak accident i blasted the music relishing the final minutes i had before i had to don on my alcohol infused apron and work the bar.

Green.

Revving the engine i made the U turn to work when i saw right up ahead approximately 100 metres from my car the same motorcyclist sprawled in the middle of the road with his bike metres away from him. It was surreal. I assumed his bike slidded off the wet bitumen and went crashing down. He then stood up and began walking towards his bike spectated by all the vehicles in the very big intersection.

I would be lying if i denied having any grain of satisfaction in my heart.

How do you expect one to accept you as a friend if you can not even accept yourself?

Driving home from work and i realised my high school librarian was driving alongside me. Immediately i was bombarded with images of her face. The times when we had a great deal of heated friction between us. In essence, you could say she was a complete bitch who was determined to make my visit at the school library a frustrating and an unenjoyable stay. Perhaps i was as uncompromising and as hot headed as her... Because somehow a great deal of my classmates gave her the leeway. Although we all unanimously concur of her controlling and unreasonable library policies. Actually, come to think of it we hated her guts. Her face was just of the greatest annoyance. It was bitter, hateful and never ceased to irk my irritance within.

Then i remembered one day as i was using the computer facilities in the library did she approach me with something to say that totally blew me away. She said sorry. Well the gist of what she muttered on that day was that she was going through a difficult time of her life in that period and that she realised her attitude towards others was not acceptable. She placed her arms around me and asked for my forgiveness. I hesitated.

Nevertheless i returned her hug and said that it was all fine. Naturally things were much different from that day on. As if all that nastiness were ursurped at that point in time. And then i see her driving side by side me today. Hmm.

So yes it was my first day at work today. Apart from the torment of feeling my eyeballs were being gouged out and mere lethargy, it was exciting. There were so much information and prodecures to digest and to execute in a short space of time. Basically it was a learn as you go process. It was like bang bang bang! I love my manager. She just exudes sincerity and warmth. The staff were extra helpful and caring, particularly the ladies. They showed the new recruits (me included) all the workings of the office.

I took home a small booklet of all the financial terms i have to get my tongue and head around. And then theres the inhouse software to accustomise myself to.

Tired as i am, i am off to watch Silent Hill at 9.30 tonight. Catch ya lata!

United Concert

50%

So tomorrow is my first day at my new job.

Nothing could be more perfect. Only 10 minutes drive from home, 10am-6pm (i get to sleep in and to avoid rush hour), full-time and in the industry that i want to be in... ie. Finance.

My role will be a Mortgage Analyst for a mortgage consulting firm.

I am 50% complete.

Time to hone my energy into pacifying the other 50% gnawing at me.

HURRY UP AND GET ME THE FREAKING CONTRACT!!! PRONTO!

Double Cooked Smoked Chicken

serve with plum sauce and fresh chillies.

It’s like Wow! Today is madness galore! A day with stark contrasts and breaking news. Petrol prices!!! It is just amazing. In just a few days, prices have fluctuated from 145.9 cents a litre to 119.5 cents! A delight really, just amazing.

And then I received a call from my friend who just found out she got pregnant. Like Wow! And no, it was not within the parameters of a marriage. Do not enquire of me their intentions of the fetus’s future. Do not want to delve into it just yet. But yes, I could not help myself. Pardon my insensitivity in spite of her destitute and trust in confiding the news with me BUT, I just had to take a jab at it. So I jokingly chided, “So did you want a dictionary for Names?”

AND THEN!!! Lo and behold! My o’faithful cell phone (that said with an intense connotation of sarcasm) bungled on me. I mentioned previously the profound reliability of Korean Electronics. Well here is a sample of one that is merely 5 months old.

Utterly speechless. How could trash like this make it through quality control? How did it ever satisfy the criterions of the ISO??? Un-be-lie-va-ble.

@ Red Emperor

I disregard all decency at times. I remember those awesome years i had when my cousin was still in Melbourne. That was three years ago. Well she was 5 years older than me and was living life to the max. She used to live just across the highway from Monash University and i would visit her almost everyday during my first year of university. How fortunate i was to be able to be in university the same time she was in her final year in Melbourne. We did all sorts of crazy antics. I remember as a whole line of cars were at the traffic lights, we started to cross the road in front of them. Stopping in the middle of the road, we started flapping our arms like a chicken and started dancing in circles around the middle of the road like chickens while scratching the ground with our shoes as if we are looking for seeds. It was embarrassing alright! But we were having fun. Everyone was gawking at us. Cars at the lights, oncoming traffic and pedestrians.

Why am i reminiscing? Because her mum came to Melbourne to visit my cousins elder brother. And my aunt is no different from my cousin.

God! I miss the Ongs!

Addicts. Tsk Tsk.

It is the youth, my generation that sees us as the definition of life. The antecedent of all things young and vibrant. We thought we defined the new age and the way to live life, that the old ARE old and that their lives have come to a stand still. Plateaued by the throes of age and stagnated by their physical limitations.

I stand corrected.

Some of the people who contain the most vivacious and foreward outlook in life ARE the old. They have splintered the fallacy fore mentioned. I have not felt as vibrant and motivated ABOUT life by being with them. Yes, i have a few mature aged friends that i do spend time with. They are great. A dash of wisdom, a pinch of maturity and a pouring of vibrancy and optimism different from what i see in my kin. They say, "Life is too short to be boring." Who else is more qualified to say that than them? Because they have lived life. And because they have, they reach out to a freedom different to what a young graduate aspires to. The world is at their feet. Ready to trek the mountains of Manchu Picchu and scale the Great Wall.

Learn from them!

Melbourne Spring Fashion Week Day 4

Have you ever received news so good you just cried? News so good until you are jumping in the midst of those who have always supported you, too ecstatic to open your mouth to reveal the news? News so good you cannot help but smile all day long and hugging those around you?

Thank you Lord Jesus... From the depth of my heart.

Darkus

Melbourne Spring Fashion 'Week Day 1

客家人!!!

Sticky date pudding i made specially for visiting aunt.

A chip off the Hakka clan.

Serving mee siam.

Cousin

Bro, Cuz and Me. (I look fucking bloated)

Last day of Winter in my backyard.

Okay, to set the grounds of this conversation that took place on MSN, this particular Singaporean course mate has never initiated contact with me... except when he needed something.

Nerd Sick (Ben Hoh) says:
eh aaron u there?

gamble™ says:
ya?

gamble™ says:
what you need

(I already knew something was not right. You realise i went straight to the point. Its like "Alright alright i know whats up your sleeves just let it out." No need to beat around the bush.)

Nerd Sick says:
hahah i need ur old BUS 1100 assignment... i deleted mine

(hahah? he is laughing? As if he does not already feel bad that people know he is insincere. Rather he thinks it is funny.)

gamble™ says:
i knew it!

gamble™ says:
don't have it sorry

gamble™ says:
all gone long time ago

Nerd Sick says:
hhaah same also..i delete all those shit i finished

Nerd Sick says: alright nvm..ttyl!

(and that's it? "nevermind.. talk to you later?" later meaning: When i need something else from you i'll let you know. Talk about kiasu)

In this day and age, walking past a smoker be them female or male is a non issue. Something that does not really register even in your subconsciousness.

But a sight that i will gawk at continuously is an old woman puffing away on a ciggy with their old, withered and wrinkly lips.

*shudder*

Mark it somewhere.

- Hilary Clinton will become president of the US. -

Trippin’

I want to congratulate myself for finally finding the enlightenment of knowing what pride in a friendship is, because before this I was dismal when references were made about it. I was clueless in what it meant.

Thank you to you for those subtleties that just concedes your inner world whose concept of friendship is alien as can be. You win? And then? What do you achieve after that? What do you achieve by making unconstructive critical conjectures of your friends? So some juvenile character passes you by with an aerated head as big as their ego with a litany of ideas on how others should conduct themselves as uncompromising and autocratic they may be. And so it ranges from their conduct, their thoughts, their spending, and every other aspect that is of absolute zilch relevance to the subject in discussion. So the juvenile is compelled to comment on everything. Even things whose discretion is of others’ own.

Pride? What the fuck are you on about? Since when was pride of relevance in a healthy friendship? I have NEVER had friendship like this. When it becomes so complicated, when each word is meant to undermine each other, when it feels like being scrutinized and when understanding your friend becomes a taxing task. Disgusting.

Characters like these perceive themselves as the holy grail of logic and practicality when in essence; people just give them the leeway. Why burst their bubble? Leave them be. I say inflate that bubble. So that dey be trippin’ on em’ face in the future.

I can't believe... that i ever had hair that long. Oh my god.
Kinda like it actually... Thinking if i should grow my hair again.

And so I turned round for a hug, just after the elevator opened. Hesitation… That face, it just revealed so much. The glimpse of sadness that broke from the countenance. As if this was not the first time, as if this was just another countless encounters that never endured. I could literally see the thoughts that crossed the mind at that moment. I took a step backwards into the elevator. Never dropping my gaze as I watched the hand disappear behind the closing doors.

One night stand or not, it was for me to decide.

Projected Shanghai Skyline 2010

Our minds... When exposed to a new idea, will never go back to its previous dimensions.

The Beach Club

I get asked why i seem promote for so many different clubs. When i first started out in 2003 my motives were obvious. My first year in university and i admit it was the perfect channel to amplify my social network exponentially.

But now, after going through all that youthful excitement of the initial exposure i promote wearily because:
- I am continually pestered by someone that goes way back.
- Friday nights of idleness solved by going to the club i promote.
- Do not need to buy drinks. Promoters given drink cards for the night.
- Free entry, for those periods when $15 could go a long long way.
- Decorative purposes for my Resume under "Extra-curricular Activities"

and

- I get to skip the line.

The response was a precursor to failure anyway...

Why did i even bother.

I lost 4kgs.

And still deciding if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Thing is, body mass is good. Not fat, but more solid and bigger.

So i now weigh 69kgs.

Lean is good. I like lean too.

Hmm...

August in Hong Kong last year and i stumbled into what i define as a true Fashion Magazine. Pictures and pictures only with advertisements and other useless lifestyle tips to the minimum. It is called Fashion News Men's. A Japanese fashion publication by the famous Japanese editor and stylist Tomoki Sukezane.

Literally, page 1 to the end are just photos. Photos of labels from the runway and fashion shoots by Sukezane himself. This is what a real magazine should be. One thing i can not tolerate is GQ and its ridiculous take on irrelevant and mostly overlooked topics of writing on food, nice cities to holiday in, POLITICS??? Debating politics in a supposedly fashion oriented magazine and then throwing in a few meagre pages of fashion shoots? Tsk.

It is hard to find quality men fashion magazines here. You can of course try Borders where they stock imported European ones or to small specialist magazine shops that has quite okay Taiwanese or Hong Kong publications. However the prices are pretty exorbitant, especially when you know they cost nothing in Asia.

So when a friend makes a trip to Hong Kong and beyond, i make it a point that they include at least an edition of Fashion News into their shopping basket.

Random sms from Malaysia:

Evan: YOU SUCK! Yawn... BORING

Reply: Mee Mee Meow Meow

Evan: Don't you have anything better to say?

Reply: Woof woof?

Evan: =.="

I loathe Korean Electronic goods with a passion! They are so freaking unreliable and untrustworthy.

I could say with 100% confidence that every Korean product i have owned breaks in less than a year.

I had a rather pricey Samsung DVD player that was purchased at roughly A$300 many years ago only to break in 12 months. I then bought some no brand CHINA DVD product that has lasted for almost 3 years.

Next i had a LG 3G mobile that had its ear speaker going kaputz in 8 months. I then had to tolerate using loudspeakers everytime i answered a call for the next 4 months until my contract allowed me to upgrade.

So i was foolishly seduced into buying yet another LG phone Model U880. And now in just 5 months, my brand new LG mobile phone is going mental. Firstly the battery that used to last for 2 days now manages to last JUST for one day. Then it keeps shutting down by itself making me miss important calls. Then one day when i opened the flip to answer a call i heard a sickening "crack". Looked at the hinges abruptly to see the plastic gaping wide. It broke!!! Now it doesnt close properly. ALL THESE IN 5 FREAKING MONTHS!!! UNBELIEVABLE!

Sure they are good to look at, but underneath those misleading aesthetics lies KONKED out electronics and cheapass materials.

DO NOT BUT KOREAN PRODUCTS ESPECIALLY LG! Should be LB instead. Life's BAD!

Okay that was lame :P

I forgot why people go to night clubs.

The motives of the masses has been blurred. Some see it as a means to pick or to be picked up, to see or be seen, to socialise, to catch up, to be with your friends, to dance.

I received complimentary tickets on Friday to go to a party on Sunday in FFour with a guest DJ from Chicago playing soul-house. His name was Roy Davies Jnr.

So i just got back from a night i never expected would give me a different dimension of where clubbing could take you. The music incredible. NOT RnB or Hip Hop, NOT dance or techno, neither was it electronica or poppish dance music. It was somehow different to the house i have heard by Melbourne DJs. It was pure, soulful, house. It was sexy.

The crowd was great. Blacks, latinos and whites. From my vantage, the way i see it, the people were there purely to relax and chill to the music. No pretense.

Sexy.

因為我無聊

Tasted like shit.